BLACK METAL MONDAY

WALT DALI

In 1945, Walt Disney and Salvador Dali teamed up to to make a short animated film. Dali spent eight months storyboarding the film before Disney pussed out and decided to scrap the project. Disney Co. unearthed the film in 2003 and decided to finish it. These are the results.



There's 18 second of original animation at around 5:22 where the turtles come in carrying Cenobites on their backs.

POSTER DUMP

Aquairax Uno

Jack Dylan

Randy Ortiz

Diego Banuelos

Chaos vs. Cosmos

BLACK METAL MONDAY: MEADS OF ASPHODEL

I can think of no better band for Black Metal Monday here on the Archers Guild than Meads of Asphodel. This is a Blog For Heads, right? Well this is some heady stuff, man! These British lunatics look like extras from “Monty Python and the Holy Grail,” at one point had a rabbi perform with the band, released a record with Doom, Conflict, Hellbastard, Skeptix and Kinks covers, use more keyboards than Yes, and play a totally schizophrenic and unconventional style of music that, while using black metal as a sonic keystone, is so twisted that it almost defies categorization. Oh yeah and their bass player is in HAWKWIND! Far out!

Their fourth and latest album, The Murder of Jesus the Jew, can be described as no less than a total mindfuck. As the album opens, a deep voice intones, “On a cold spring morning, around AD 30, a man was hung from a tree upon a mound of dirt. This is his story – of a man named God.” A couple of minutes of almost cheerful sythesizer-based classical music play, and then, BOOM, heavy black metal hysteria erupts. The Meads’ brand of black metal is in the chunky and chugging vein, maybe closer to Samael or Hellhammer with a distinctly punkish approach ala Amebix or Venom. Pretty cool, but what sets Meads apart from the pack is all the other madness they put in the mix. On The Murder of Jesus the Jew, you’ll also find folk, psychedelia, punk rock, shoegaze, dance beats, show tunes, dashes of Middle Eastern music, and LOTS of synthesizers. In fact, more often than not the non-metal elements dominate the songs, the raspy vocals, blasting drums and harsh distortion taking a back seat.

I know what you’re thinking: What a mess, right? Wrong! It RULES! Normally too many different ingredients ruin the recipe, so to speak, but the Meads dudes are actually really talented composers, knowing when to throw a curveball and when to play it relatively safe. They keep you guessing, but their genre-hopping seldom comes off as forced or merely for the sake of being wacky. They seem to have a firm grasp on playing and writing riffs for all the genres they have chosen to incorporate into the band’s music. While some listeners will doubtless be turned off by the scattershot songwriting, those who want something unique and outside of the norm will find some pretty awesome stuff here.

Bonus points: the lyrics are great. Like their countrymen Sabbat from back in the late 80s, they deal with provocative anti-religious, anti-Christian topics in a more intellectual and sensitive way than the typical “fuck God” fashion – there’s plenty of room for that in black metal too, of course, but it’s nice to see a band that values lyrics as much as riffs. Main lyricist Metatron seems to be a bit of an amateur Biblical scholar and The Murder of Jesus the Jew focuses on his personal take on the life and death of Jesus – both the historical figure and the Biblical character.

All in all if you’re looking for something within the realm of metal to scramble your brain like a fresh egg pick up some Meads. Bong loads and mushrooms are purely optional but probably would not hurt.

POSTER DUMP

Adam Pobiak

Justin Walsh

Malleus

Ron Libert

Ross Sewage

LOLZ

The internet brought me some real gems today that I thought I'd share.





Special thanks to Eric Harris and Alan Forbes.

BLACK METAL MONDAY

DUMBER THAN DONALD

Released in 1974, Dirty Duck (aka Down and Dirty Duck) was an attempt to ride on Ralph Bakshi's coattails after the success of Fritz the Cat. Produced by Roger Corman, directed and animated by Charles Swenson (Rugrats, Fieval Goes West, Strawberry Shortcake), voiced and soundtracked by Flo & Eddie (The Turtles, The Mothers, and occasionally T. Rex)- how the hell do people not know about this movie?! No accounting for taste, I guess.

Dirty Duck is the story of Willard Isenbaum, a sexually frustrated insurance adjuster who inherits a pervy duck from a tattoo artist named Painless Martha. The Duck (known only as "Duck") takes it upon himself to get Willard laid and hijinx ensue. The pair embark on a psychedelic journey involving inner-city hustlers and homos, racist cops, man-hating lesbos, singing hookers and oh, so much more. This movie has something to offend and entertain just about everyone and I can't recommend it enough!

POSTER DUMP

Pat. James Longo

Ammo

Bill Wehmann

Rob Fitzpatrick

BLACK METAL MONDAY

POSTER DUMP

Michael Lawrence

Flip Anton

Nate Duval

Rick Leech

FAKE PUNK

I was discussing the Surf Punks with a friend the other day and he accused them of being a "fake" punk band. While I don't totally agree with that description, it did get me thinking about the idea of fake punk. And no, I don't mean bands like Blink182 and Something Corporate. I'm talking about an altogether different kind of poseur:


SECTION ONE: COMEDIC PARODIES

This is by far the most common source of fake punk. Ever since the birth of punk in the late 70's it's been popular for comedians to develop a punk rock persona. It's often very dull and tiresome but occasionally brilliant.


Gilda Radner - Candy Slice and the Slicers - "Hey Mick"



Cheech Marin - Alice Bowie - "Earache My Eye"



Alberto Y Lost Trios Paranoias were a comedy rock band in the 70's that spoofed many bands, including The Damned, Lou Reed, and the Sex Pistols. They became so popular for a period of time that they were headlining bills with Blondie and The Stranglers as support.


Spot on:

SNL - Crisis of Conformity - "Fist Fight"


My favorite:

SCTV - The Queen Haters - "I Hate the Bloody Queen"


...which is very similar to this one:

Mighty Boosh - Terminal Margaret - "I Did a Shit On Your Mom"



SECTION TWO: DRAMATIC PARODIES

Occasionally, television and movie directors will use punk clubs to create an "edgy" or "dangerous" atmosphere. If they're smart they hire a real punk band (i.e. Agent Orange on 21 Jump Street). Most of the time, if they try to "create" a punk band, they miss the mark entirely and have dudes in makeup and leather playing wimpy synth music. There are, however, a few exceptions.



Quincy - Mayhem - "Choke"



CHiPs - Pain - "Pain"




SECTION THREE: UN-PUNK BANDS PLAYING PUNK


You may recognize this track from Killed By Death #2. Freestone was bunch of Frisco hippies. They wrote "Bummer Bitch" in a failed attempt to take the piss out of punk rock. Little did they realize they recorded one of the greatest punk songs of all time!



According to Doug Graves, Puke Spit and Guts were a group of heshers who put out a few decent punk singles in an attempt to mock the genre.



Anarchy Six was Redd Kross' fake hardcore band.


My #1 favorite song I'd like to share with you comes from a very unlikely source. After the fall of disco (which came not a moment too soon), the Village People needed to find a new direction in order to keep their career afloat. In 1981, they painted themselves up like Bowie in the "Ashes to Ashes" video and released the ill-conceived Renaissance in an attempt to cash in on new wave. The album is horrible (even by Village People standards) but the last track is a true punk gem. "Food Fight" comes across like a Weird Al parody of Devo as played by Plastic Bertrand. It's short, it's fast, and it's catchy as fuck. But you don't have to take my word for it. Have a listen for yourself.
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So how is it that so many of these fake punk songs are so good? It's because good punk rock is funny. Seriously, we're talking about a genre of music that involves dressing up like a clown, strapping on an instrument you barely know how to play, and throwing a temper tantrum on stage for twenty minutes. Oi!



Bonus: this doesn't quite qualify for the list but I thought I'd share it anyway.